make_it_hurt: (Default)
[personal profile] make_it_hurt
He woke up slowly. It was an unusual feeling, to wake to nothing more than his body's own sleep cycle, instead of being woken up by harsh hands and pain. He honestly hadn't been expecting to wake up, sure that he was dead, sure that the bullet they had put in his chest should have killed him.

Instead, Bucky Barnes woke up in a hospital bed, oxygen line hooked over his ears, the steady beeping and whirring of machinery all around him. Everything hurt - his broken ankle, the bruises on his legs from beatings, the lash marks over his back. It is nearly torture to breathe, his chest wrapped tightly in bandages. This wasn't the dark, dank cellar he had spent (as close as he could figure ) six or seven months in. He looked around, head tilting from side to side listlessly, looking for family or a nurse or something.

His attention was caught by his left arm - or, rather, what was left of it, which wasn't much.

Days into his capture they'd started cutting off his fingers, one at a time, and sending him to his mother - to the President - in an attempt to get her to give in to their demands.

Then they'd started working their way up his arm, more as punishment than anything, before infection had set in and they had kept cutting back and back and back in an attempt to keep their bargaining chip from dying.

The stump of his left arm was wrapped in neat cotton bandages and Bucky swallowed hard, lifting his other hand to his lips, feeling them quiver against his fingers.

He finally asked, voice trembling, "Mom?"

She had to be here. She had been there for him his entire life growing up, there every time he got sick, even when she was on the election trail. If she couldn't get to him, they would talk over the internet for as long as it took until he fell asleep.

Bucky looked around, digging his ragged nails into his lower lip. "Mom?" He shifted, trying to sit up, and was instantly caught by the mess of wires and tubing around him. He laid back, blinking back tears.

She came almost at a run, heels clacking, the door swinging shut behind her. "Bucky!" She nearly collapsed onto Bucky's bed, grabbing his hand in both of her own. "You're awake, thank god." She reached forward and ran her fingers through his hair and he was suddenly aware that it was long enough to touch his chin.

He smiled up at her, feeling the knot in his chest ease. Bucky sagged back against his pillows and sighed slightly, letting her rub her thumb over the back of his hand. "I missed you, Mom."

"I missed you, too. Here, are you comfortable? Do you need another pillow?" She let go of his hand and started to fuss with his blankets and pillows, adjusting them around him nervously.

"I'm fine. Tired, but fine." He closed his eyes for a long moment then asked, opening them again, "I'm really here, right?"

She nodded. "You're really here, Bucky." She folded her hand over his. "Get some rest, I'll be right here, okay?" She smiled and watched Bucky drift off again, body falling limp. But it wasn't the same sort of boneless as before, the unconsciousness after being brought in, after all the surgeries. It was the unconsciousness of somebody asleep of their own volition.

She looked up once she was sure Bucky was asleep and stood back up, placing his hand on his stomach. President Barnes crossed back over to the door and pulled it open. "I'm sorry, Captain. Maybe you should come in and we can continue our discussion?" She stepped back.

Bucky drifted awake for just a moment, long enough to see his mother across the room talking to somebody that looked vaguely familiar. Before Bucky could place the face, he was asleep again.

Date: 2014-06-06 04:27 am (UTC)
punched_hitler: (couldn't call my ride)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
Steve had spend the next two weeks helping out as best he could and keeping a close watch on everyone that came and went from that hospital room. He'd eaten and slept in that room - one of the major benefits of regenerative healing was that he could go a long time without deep sleep. He'd primarily dozed on and off through the nights in the chair beside Bucky's bed, but he woke at the slightest sound (which he considered a good thing, though it didn't mean his sleep was usually particularly restful). He figured once they got back to the White House, he'd screen a small team of agents and maybe take a couple of hours to get some real sleep for himself - but for now, he was fine.

He and the president had been banished from the room with as much force as Bucky could muster, and the two of them went - although Steve stayed right by the door with one ear practically to it, ready to move on a moment's notice if something came up. He wasn't letting his guard down for anything. So he heard Bucky the instant he called, pushing open the door to stick his head through - and trying not to smile.

He slipped inside, letting the door click shut behind him and made his way over to the bed. "You'd think by now they'd manage to find a way to do this without a million wires and tubes," he murmured, trying to make Bucky smile, figuring they'd take care of the pants first. "Okay, let me help." He detangled the lines, carefully, then glanced at Bucky's face and put his hands on the waistband of the pants - on the outside of Bucky's thighs, near his hips. There was no way in hell he was going to put his hands anywhere near where those cuts were - mostly because he couldn't imagine Bucky wanted to be touched there. "Okay?" he asked quietly; if he got an affirmative, he'd start working the pants up over Bucky's hips carefully.

Date: 2014-06-06 07:11 pm (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (signing autographs)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
Steve took as much care as he could while handling Bucky's pants - sure, he'd been carrying Bucky around and spending pretty much 24/7 in his company, but he knew that didn't mean Bucky would feel comfortable with being touched in certain places after what he'd been through. He hummed his thanks as Bucky moved his hips, and together they managed to get the pants up around his waist.

Steve nodded at the other requests, smiling. "You got it, boss," he said genially, though he paused when Bucky went right ahead and pulled the oxygen line off his face. Steve tensed, ready to move if Bucky wasn't doing okay with the help breathing, but he didn't fall over, and so Steve just resolved to work as quickly as possible so they could get the thing back in place. He was sure it was a pain, but breathing was also a good thing.

He moved to pull the shirt on quickly but carefully, hands moving gently over Bucky's left shoulder and what was left of his arm as he tugged the bottom down to meet the waistband of the sweatpants. Then, before Bucky could protest, he'd put the oxygen line back in place - he wasn't going to take any arguments - and glanced around, grabbing the hair tie the nurse had brought in and pulling Bucky's hair back into a neat little ponytail at the back of his head - at least, as neat as he could make it. Steve had always had short hair, but at least creating a ponytail wasn't overly challenging.

"Feel better?" He asked, coming back around to Bucky's front.

Date: 2014-06-06 08:12 pm (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (looking sharp)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
"I agree," Steve chuckled quietly, and stepped back to let Bucky handle his shoes and socks on his own, unless it looked like he wouldn't be able to get it. But he was, despite the difficulty, and Steve smiled a little at the question.

"Nah, not like a wreck. Just a little banged-up. But you look a hell of a lot better than you did two weeks ago, and that's a promise." Sure, he needed more rest, more time to heal, and definitely a few square meals. But he was doing well, recovering as quickly as his body would let him, and he'd come a long way. "Are you gonna cut your hair?" He was just curious... it wasn't a terrible look, though clearly it had grown out from a cut that hadn't been meant to grow out.

Date: 2014-06-07 05:10 am (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (best friends returning from battle)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
Steve simply stood still, turning himself into as much of a crutch as he could by staying steady while Bucky reached out for him. He was experienced by now in being that crutch, so he just moved to make sure he was ready to grab Bucky if he slipped, but otherwise tried to help as little as possible. He wanted Bucky to do this on his own, too, if he could - he just wasn't going to let him get hurt if he couldn't. But once Bucky was secure, he'd help him walk over to the chair as slowly as it took, making sure he was settled. He was a little wary of the trip from the hospital to the White House, but that just meant he'd stay on his guard to make sure nothing happened on the way.

Date: 2014-06-07 06:17 am (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (surrounded by hydra)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
Steve could see the reporters long before they reached the actual doors, and he wasn't sure it was really the best idea for Bucky to face them. But Bucky had a point - it would be good for them to see he was all right (or at least, recovering), so Steve simply nodded and did what he'd been asked to do - keep an eye on everyone, and everything, and make sure no one but security got close to Bucky.

That part was a success, at least, but by the time they were in the car, with Steve sliding in onto Bucky's other side so he was sandwiched safely between his mother and the super soldier, he could tell it had take a lot out of Bucky to go through that. Mentally, he suspected, more than physically. "Hey, you did great," he said quietly, putting a protective hand carefully on Bucky's back, but mostly letting him sit close to his mother. "But maybe we should save the press conferences for a few weeks down the line, what do you say?"

Date: 2014-06-07 07:46 pm (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (colored glance to the side)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
Steve just nodded, letting Bucky take this time to recover. He focused on doing his job, instead, which was to keep an eye on everything - all the time, because you never knew what could happen, and things could change in a second. His eyes moved from the driver of their car to the windows, checking their surroundings and what the other cars were doing as they got moving, trusting that Bucky's mother would certainly be a better calming influence on him than Steve could ever hope to be. He'd just do his best to keep them safe on the way home.

Date: 2014-06-07 11:36 pm (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (and the howling commandos (kinda))
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
He didn't like the way Bucky was looking - he'd seen far too many soldiers looking like that, and it never led anywhere good - but all he could really do was be there and do his job and hope for the best. Thankfully, Bucky did seem to calm down as they rode, until they reached the White House itself. Steve didn't even really get the chance to look at it, because all of his attention was on his charge. If Bucky wanted to get himself inside, that was fine, although Steve was going to walk just behind him and make sure he didn't have any problems steering one-handed. He knew Bucky was determined to get back on his feet and do things on his own as soon as possible, and he knew how important it was to let him try. He just kept a sharp eye out for anything that looked suspicious, and let Bucky lead the way inside.

Date: 2014-06-08 09:47 pm (UTC)
punched_hitler: [ta] (at the gym)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
Steve gave the president a salute - sorry, old habits die hard - but at least it was offset by a grateful smile. "Thank you. That'll get me started." He knew she was just helping him help her son, but it was easier when they were on the same page. He did want to put together a team, but he was going to talk to every single one of them first.

He glanced at Bucky when he spoke - Steve knew that look, and he nodded, wanting to get Bucky into a smaller, more private place, and soon. "Want a hand, or have you got it? You'll have to direct me." He would let Bucky get there under his own power if he wanted to - it might distract him from the panic Steve could see trying to break through - but there was also nothing wrong with asking for help. "If you want some time alone... I just need to check the room out, and I can give it to you."

Date: 2014-06-09 03:14 am (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (shield strapped to my back)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
Steve trailed just a little ways behind, then, making sure to give Bucky the space he wanted but stay close enough if he was needed. Honestly, he was proud of the kid - he was doing his damnedest not to let this beat him, and Steve's respect for him had only grown over the past two weeks because of it.

When they got to the bedroom and Bucky paused, Steve nodded. "Then I'm staying," he agreed, glancing at the team of agents that had shadowed them the entire way here. He gave them a sympathetic - but commanding - look, and advised, "Why don't you fellas just sit tight out here? I've got the interior covered."

He outranked them, as far as he knew, and it wasthe truth. Much though he didn't like it, he would sacrifice Bucky's comfort for his safety, if it was necessary. But in this case, it wouldn't be. He really could cover the interior of the room.

The agents looked... less than pleased, but they glanced at each other before nodding, taking up positions on the outside of the door, on either side. Now Steve gave Bucky a sympathetic smile - no, it wasn't getting them to leave, but that would have been a bad idea. This would have to do.

He slipped past Bucky and into the room, doing a quick visual sweep before he'd let him in. But nothing seemed out of place, so he waved Bucky in - and would move to shut the door after him.

Date: 2014-06-09 04:25 am (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (reading the map)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
It was a little hard for Steve not to notice the posters on the walls - all of them - but he stayed silent. This was Bucky's private room, after all, and he hadn't expected to be dragging Captain America into it, he suspected. Okay, some of those posters were a little... well, Steve's past as an Army captain had been filled with guys' tents featuring half-naked women. The half-naked men in a guy's room was a little new.

Still, he managed to keep his expression neutral as he watched Bucky maneuver into the bed. He was just about to take a seat in the chair when Bucky sat up again, startling Steve a little. But - oh, yeah, he could relate. He still had a hard time, sleeping on a bed, even after a couple of years of living in relative luxury. He had been about to offer Bucky the cot - but actually, by the time he managed to open his mouth, Bucky had made himself a nice little nest on the floor and all but passed out.

Steve couldn't help but smile, just a little - yeah, it was sort of a familiar sight, although he did realize that it meant Bucky had been through so much... it would take a lot of time to undo. Maybe some of it couldn't be undone. The arm definitely couldn't. But hopefully Bucky would stop feeling so wrong, being back home, being around people. Even if it took time... Steve was sure he'd pull through, in that respect.

Once he was sure Bucky was asleep, he moved, going to check on the sleeping form, pulling the blanket up a little, making sure the oxygen line was secure and wasn't going to tangle. He eyed the cot, but he was a little worried that if he laid down on it... he'd be out, in a heavy sleep sense, and he didn't want that. So instead, he moved to sit on the floor next to Bucky, his back to the bed, body in a ready position, and let himself doze.

Date: 2014-06-09 04:49 pm (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (i don't know if i can do this)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
The longer Bucky slept, the longer Steve dozed. Given the position he was in, he wasn't in a deep enough sleep to dream, himself - he didn't want to risk that. Until there was someone close at hand that he trusted implicitly, he wouldn't let himself actually sleep deep enough to dream.

At the first sounds of distress, Steve jerked awake, looking around, hands coming up into a defensive posture. But then he realized the sounds weren't because of an attack - they were because of a nightmare. He frowned; Bucky had had nightmares before, but they hadn't been quite this bad. He moved, turning his body toward Bucky's, and risked putting a hand - just the flat of his palm - carefully on his back. He didn't want to shake or grab him, that would just make things worse.

"Bucky," he said softly, just letting the heat and weight from his palm seep through the blankets. "Bucky, wake up." If he had to do more to wake him up, he would, but Steve was hoping Bucky wasn't so deeply lost in that dream that it would take a lot more. That might scare him, whether Steve meant to or not.

Date: 2014-06-09 05:41 pm (UTC)
punched_hitler: [tfa] (best friends returning from battle)
From: [personal profile] punched_hitler
Steve almost pulled back - but didn't. He just tried to keep his touch light and let Bucky know he was safe, even if he was still asleep. He was just about to try to do a little more to wake Bucky up when the other's eyes opened; he seemed to be awake, but still jumpy, which was understandable. "Easy," Steve said quietly. "It's me. You're safe." That was all Bucky would care to hear, he figured, and he wasn't going to say a thing about the dream unless Bucky wanted to talk about it. Everyone had nightmares. You couldn't control them. That didn't make you a weak person.

He let Bucky have a moment for himself - though when Bucky scooted in closer, he looked a little surprised (but not unhappy). Well, if serving as a bed was part of serving as a bodyguard... it wasn't so bad. He did take the opportunity to disentangle the oxygen line carefully, whether or not Bucky was actually paying attention. "Don't mention it," he said, and he meant it, trying to pull Bucky's blankets up around him again, if he was cold. Since the serum, Steve had always run pretty hot - he was basically a personal furnace, though not a lot of people had had the chance to find that out. Bucky probably was, though, right about now. The uniform could actually be adjusted to hide his heat signature, if he needed stealth, but that wasn't the case right now.

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make_it_hurt: (Default)
James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes

August 2023

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