He lets out a small sigh of relief then says, "I'm not Bucky. I'm not anybody. Yet. I want to be somebody. Natasha says... You know who I used to be. Before all this..."
Steve tenses at that, not entirely sure what to say fr a moment. "You're someone," he finally goes with. "No matter what, you're someone. Never say are not anyone, it's not true."
"I can," he agrees after a moment. "I can tell you a lot about who you were but I guess...I don't know. It's not who you are now, huh?"
He tries not to let it show in his voice but his face is pained when he admits that.
"I want to know. I don't want to be what they made me. I don't want to stay like this. I'm so lost, Steve. I just feel so..." He trails off, pressing his hand to his face for a moment. "I want to see you, but I'm so scared." He's close to tears and he's sure he sounds that way.
His stomach turns at the sound of Bucky's voice and he wants to pull the door open, to show him that it's okay. "Open the door. It's okay. I promise you, it's going to be okay."
Maybe he shouldn't make that promise but he doesn't give a damn right now. He wasn't to say what will make this even a fraction better than what it is now.
He sighs, running hands through his hair and honestly unsure of what to do. He wants to fix this but fuck if he has any idea of what he's doing.
He looks to Natasha, hoping she might have an idea of what the hell to do.
She shrugs at him, leaning against a wall and watching the door. She seems much less stressed out about the whole thing than he does but inwardly she's tense, nervous that he might bolt when all this is said and done.
Then she looks down to the drink in her hand and she thinks of something.
"Move," she moths to Steve, then makes a shooing gesture so she can get close to the door.
"Hey," she says, her voice gentle. "Steve's still here but can I maybe come in for a minute? You can leave the lights off, so I don't have to see you, okay?"
He hesitates, but then moves away from the door, cramming himself back into the corner, not even peeking out from behind the clothes. "O-Okay. You can come in." His breathing is light and fast, tears still rolling down his cheeks.
Steve takes another step back as Natasha opens the door just a little and
slips inside. She sits on the ground, puling the door closed behindher.
"Hey," she says, her voice taking on that gentle tone again. "You're okay
here. We don't have to keep doing this today. He can come back later, or
tomorrow. We can take this slow."
"I want to try. I have to. If I don't, it'll just suck me in again and I'll never get out." His head lolls back. "I don't want to be trapped. I don't want them to take me back. Please, you can't let it happen." He's terrified and devolving, simple tears starting to turn into full-on sobs. "Please, Natasha."
"It's not going to happen," she says, her voice calm and clear compared to
his. "Not now. You're here now and I'm not going to let them take you
without a damn good fight."
She moves a little closer, reaching out to him. "I'm gonna touch you,
okay? You can tell me to stop at any time."
She looked around her for a moment, noting the exits and going between sending him out or keeping him by her. Something was wrong and, as she saw people carefully start to crowd the ends of the aisle they were in, she was dead sure they weren't getting out of here without a fight.
"Hey," she said quietly. "I'm not letting anyone take you, okay?"
And as if on cue, someone makes a move towards Bucky and Natasha was drawing her gun and firing.
He didn't react at first to the people coming into the aisle, still staring at the cereal boxes like they were some fantastic alien creatures.
Then Natasha started firing her gun and he jumped, the world spinning then locking back into place. He still didn't move, though, just watching, swaying on his feet. His hands curled into fists.
She moved swiftly, pulling him after her as she created a path strewn with bodies. She wasn't fucking around, her shots were lethal if anyone looked like a threat.
She couldn't be sure how aware he was of everything, how much focus he had, but she knew she had to at least get him somewhere relatively safe for him to come to. Her apartment was out and, in all honesty, she would probably be finding a new one before the day was through, but she couldn't think of where to go off the bat.
People were following them already and she knew that, at this point, it didn't mater where they went as longa s they got away from the hostiles.
She held his right wrist as she pulled them into a crowd, not expecting it to offer much cover but enough to give her a minute to consider what her next move would be.
He let himself be dragged along behind her, brain processing everything that was going on without acknowledging or acting on any of the information.
Once they were in the crowd he stayed close to her, looking around warily. Then he said, very softly, "Steve..." Steve was probably in Stark Tower. In theory, they would be safe there.
"That's what i'm thinking," she agreed, moving them very carefully so as to keep with the crowd. "We just need to get there."
It wasn't too far but she wasn't entirely comfortable taking a cab and while walking was possible, it wasn't ideal.
Puling him into a shop, she dug out her pone from a pocket, dialing Steve. "I swear to god, Rogers, if you don't answer..." She was keeping her eyes peeled as she waited, hoping that they had, for the most part, lost their tail.
He looked around the little store as they waited for Steve to pick up. There was a single teenage boy, face full of pimples, sitting behind the counter. There were no customers.
He curled his hand tighter around Natasha's.
Finally, Steve picked up. He sounded a bit out of breath. "Hey, Natasha, what's up?"
"You're going to want to come and pick ups up. Now. Just do it,I'll tell you details later. Tell Stark to track the phone, we're going to be on the move. Call when you're close."
Maybe she was being paranoid but when people start making moves and trying to turn them into targets, she doesn't care how paranoid she's going to look.
Steve hesitated, obviously a bit surprised. "Yeah! Yeah, I'm on my way." He hung up the phone. He'd been in the shower but was getting out just as the phone rang. He threw on his clothes even as he called Tony to track down Natasha's phone.
He, though, wasn't too happy about it. He looked at Natasha and asked, "Steve? He's... going to come here?" Steve was going to see him? He pulled his hand out of Natasha's. "No, I... I can't. I..." He swallowed hard, biting on his bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood.
"It's going to be fine," she assured him. "I know you don't want to see him but right now we need him, okay? We'll get safe, then get out and find somewhere new to lay low. But for now, we need to go with Steve."
She felt guilty putting him through this if he didn't want to be, but there wasn't much leeway in options and she sure as hell was not going fuck around with chances at this point.
"I'll be with you th entire time, we'll find somewhere dark and quiet for you too, if you want. You just gotta work with me a little."
He trembled, hard. "I... I don't..." He knew they weren't safe. Knew they needed to get somewhere safe. But he couldn't let Steve look at him like this. Couldn't let himself be seen. He didn't want to be seen by Steve." He took a step back from Natasha, curling his hand to his throat.
He was an instant from running, his heart hammering in his throat.
"All right, all right. How about this I get in touch with him and tell him just to leave us the car. Would that work?" He doesn't have to see you, he just needs to drop off the car."
She's trying not to crowd him but she reached out one hand nonetheless, brushing fingers lightly against his arm. "We'l work it out. He doesn't have to see you but he'll chase you if you run, you know that. He'll probably find you before I do."
He jerked away from her touch, still unsure. The shop boy was looking pretty alarmed now, sitting up straighter.
He flinched and turned, closing his eyes tightly. "No... No, I can't, I..."
He felt like he was being squeezed from all sides, like he was caught in a trap. He looked around the little store, looking for any way out at all. He couldn't see any. The only way out was through her. He turned back to her, terror written on his features. He swallowed hard and this time when he bit down on his bottom lip he really did draw blood.
He wakes up abruptly to a voice that's not familiar. It's not Natasha's and it's not Steve's. It's cool, professional, accented. He slams the back of his head against the wall of the closet in his surprise and hurry to react. He has no idea how long he's slept, but his coffee mug is empty and tipped over on its side.
He stands in time to hear, "Agent Romanoff, Captain Rogers has returned. He asked me to ask if it was alright for him to enter your apartment."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 05:17 am (UTC)he sits cross legged at the door, looking at the closet door like he could somehow will it to dissolve and he could just...see him.
He's not going to push though, not now. Maybe soon, probably even sooner than he intends, but he's trying to be patient for now.
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Date: 2014-07-21 05:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 05:35 am (UTC)"I can," he agrees after a moment. "I can tell you a lot about who you were but I guess...I don't know. It's not who you are now, huh?"
He tries not to let it show in his voice but his face is pained when he admits that.
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Date: 2014-07-21 05:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 05:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 05:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 06:02 am (UTC)He looks to Natasha, hoping she might have an idea of what the hell to do.
She shrugs at him, leaning against a wall and watching the door. She seems much less stressed out about the whole thing than he does but inwardly she's tense, nervous that he might bolt when all this is said and done.
Then she looks down to the drink in her hand and she thinks of something.
"Move," she moths to Steve, then makes a shooing gesture so she can get close to the door.
"Hey," she says, her voice gentle. "Steve's still here but can I maybe come in for a minute? You can leave the lights off, so I don't have to see you, okay?"
no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 06:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 06:12 am (UTC)Steve takes another step back as Natasha opens the door just a little and slips inside. She sits on the ground, puling the door closed behindher.
"Hey," she says, her voice taking on that gentle tone again. "You're okay here. We don't have to keep doing this today. He can come back later, or tomorrow. We can take this slow."
no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 06:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 06:21 am (UTC)"It's not going to happen," she says, her voice calm and clear compared to his. "Not now. You're here now and I'm not going to let them take you without a damn good fight."
She moves a little closer, reaching out to him. "I'm gonna touch you, okay? You can tell me to stop at any time."
no subject
Date: 2014-07-21 06:30 am (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2014-08-08 12:04 pm (UTC)"Hey," she said quietly. "I'm not letting anyone take you, okay?"
And as if on cue, someone makes a move towards Bucky and Natasha was drawing her gun and firing.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-08 04:36 pm (UTC)Then Natasha started firing her gun and he jumped, the world spinning then locking back into place. He still didn't move, though, just watching, swaying on his feet. His hands curled into fists.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-08 04:47 pm (UTC)She couldn't be sure how aware he was of everything, how much focus he had, but she knew she had to at least get him somewhere relatively safe for him to come to. Her apartment was out and, in all honesty, she would probably be finding a new one before the day was through, but she couldn't think of where to go off the bat.
People were following them already and she knew that, at this point, it didn't mater where they went as longa s they got away from the hostiles.
She held his right wrist as she pulled them into a crowd, not expecting it to offer much cover but enough to give her a minute to consider what her next move would be.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-08 04:57 pm (UTC)Once they were in the crowd he stayed close to her, looking around warily. Then he said, very softly, "Steve..." Steve was probably in Stark Tower. In theory, they would be safe there.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-08 05:08 pm (UTC)It wasn't too far but she wasn't entirely comfortable taking a cab and while walking was possible, it wasn't ideal.
Puling him into a shop, she dug out her pone from a pocket, dialing Steve. "I swear to god, Rogers, if you don't answer..." She was keeping her eyes peeled as she waited, hoping that they had, for the most part, lost their tail.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-08 05:12 pm (UTC)He curled his hand tighter around Natasha's.
Finally, Steve picked up. He sounded a bit out of breath. "Hey, Natasha, what's up?"
no subject
Date: 2014-08-08 05:24 pm (UTC)Maybe she was being paranoid but when people start making moves and trying to turn them into targets, she doesn't care how paranoid she's going to look.
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Date: 2014-08-08 05:55 pm (UTC)He, though, wasn't too happy about it. He looked at Natasha and asked, "Steve? He's... going to come here?" Steve was going to see him? He pulled his hand out of Natasha's. "No, I... I can't. I..." He swallowed hard, biting on his bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood.
no subject
Date: 2014-08-08 06:25 pm (UTC)She felt guilty putting him through this if he didn't want to be, but there wasn't much leeway in options and she sure as hell was not going fuck around with chances at this point.
"I'll be with you th entire time, we'll find somewhere dark and quiet for you too, if you want. You just gotta work with me a little."
no subject
Date: 2014-08-08 06:37 pm (UTC)He was an instant from running, his heart hammering in his throat.
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Date: 2014-08-08 07:46 pm (UTC)She's trying not to crowd him but she reached out one hand nonetheless, brushing fingers lightly against his arm. "We'l work it out. He doesn't have to see you but he'll chase you if you run, you know that. He'll probably find you before I do."
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Date: 2014-08-08 08:27 pm (UTC)He flinched and turned, closing his eyes tightly. "No... No, I can't, I..."
He felt like he was being squeezed from all sides, like he was caught in a trap. He looked around the little store, looking for any way out at all. He couldn't see any. The only way out was through her. He turned back to her, terror written on his features. He swallowed hard and this time when he bit down on his bottom lip he really did draw blood.
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Date: 2014-09-14 06:58 pm (UTC)He stands in time to hear, "Agent Romanoff, Captain Rogers has returned. He asked me to ask if it was alright for him to enter your apartment."