Closed RP with [herbestdisguise]

[make_it_hurt]

From here.

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[make_it_hurt]

"I just hope he'll come around and let me help him." Steve sighs. "At least he seems to trust you, I just wish I knew why he's afraid of me."

[herbestdisguise]

"I'm not sure it's fear exactly," she says, picking up her drink and taking a sip. "Remember that you knew him. There's a lot of expectation when there's really not as much with me."

"That's probably not the whole thing," she adds after a moment. "But it probably doesn't help matters."

[make_it_hurt]

Steve thought back to the glimpse of Bucky he had seen through the cracked open closet door - dirty and unshaven and afraid, even when he was drinking the coffee and smiling.

"I just want to help him, Nat. He's my best friend and I hate feeling so helpless."

[herbestdisguise]

"And you will," she assures with a hand on his shoulder. "It's just going to take time. Probably a lot of it and you're going to have to take whatever progress comes your way."

[make_it_hurt]

Steve sighs and leans into her touch. "I should probably go... I don't want to make him feel unsafe." Leaving was the last thing he wanted to do. But he didn't want to pressure Bucky. "Will you call me if anything else happens? Or he asks for me or whatever."

[herbestdisguise]

"Yeah, definitely." She offers him a smile. "We'll figure this out. I can't promise you will enjoy the conclusion that we come to but we will figure it out."

[make_it_hurt]

Steve gets to his feet with a nod, then crosses to the closet. He crouches down next to the door. "I'm gonna go, but if you want to talk to me or anything, just tell Natasha, okay?" There's no response from Bucky, but he didn't really expect one, either.

He rises up. "Thank you, Natasha. If you need anything, even if it's for me to bring you coffee, tell me and I'll do it. I have to help him however I can, even if it's by helping you." Then he leaves, pulling the door shut behind him.

When the door closes, he lets out a soft sigh of relief and finally relaxes. His coffee is already almost gone, but he doesn't much care. He's warm all the way and safe.

[herbestdisguise]

She waves him off. "I'll make you regret that one day," she says with a light grin. "But yeah, I will. I'll keep yu posted on how he's doing."

She watches him leave, collects her drink and settles on the wall next to the closet door, listening for any noise that might tell her something's gone south.

[make_it_hurt]

He's almost too warm. He sets down his cup and started to strip out of his jackets until all he's wearing is the tank top he had been wearing under his armor, his pants and his boots.

Then he opens the door and peeks out. He watches Natasha carefully, studying her features.

[herbestdisguise]

She hears the door open and turns to catch sight of him peering out. "hey," she greets, nothing but casual and relaxed. "Were you hot?" She can see the fact that he's removed some of the clothes.

She's going to try to coax him out sometime tonight but not quite yet. If he comes out on is own that's one thing but she won't push him to leave right this second.

[make_it_hurt]

He nods. "Yeah." He reaches over to where metal meets skin, feeling the scar tissue there. On the back of his metal arm there's a huge rent in the metal playing, revealing the inner wiring. "My arm doesn't work anymore," he tells her quietly

[herbestdisguise]

"Don't worry about that," she assures. "I know a few different people who can probably help us out in that regard." She'd rather Bruce than Tony but if it came down to it, Tony could probably be bribed into controlling himself enough to not scaring the guy entirely.

She turns facing him properly. "How do you feel about a show. We'll cover up your arm so the wiring doesn't get wet and you can get clean."

[make_it_hurt]

"A shower?" He hesitates, suddenly remembering ice-cold water, watching blood swirl against white tiles between his feet and shakes his head. "No... No, no shower." He curls back into himself, retreating fully into the closet again.

[herbestdisguise]

"Hey," she starts, moving in a little but not encroaching too much. "What's wrong. Why don't you like showers?"

Carefully, she reaches out one hand to him, brushing his flesh arm with her fingers.

[make_it_hurt]

He looks up at her, flinching his fingers into a fist but not doing anything with that fist. He hesitates, then bites his lip. "After missions... Cold shower, washing off the blood... then the freeze..." He hopes she understands. He hopes the words come out like he thinks he says them, not jumbled up into an incoherent mess.

[herbestdisguise]

She draws her hand back as soon as she sees the fist, not afraid he'll come at her but worried she'll make it worse.

"Okay," she says. "What if I promise you a warm bath instead? And coffee after to keep the cold away? Can we maybe try that?"

[make_it_hurt]

He thinks about that. Warm water, surrounded on all sides by the closeness of a tub. He nods, then. "Okay. Hot. Hot water. I don't want to be cold, ever again." He looks up at her, hand relaxing.

[herbestdisguise]

She smiles, clearly pleased. "Al right, let me get the coffee going and then I can start the water."

She gets to her feet and heads into ther kitchen, it's an open floor plan so he can still see her and she him as she moves around, getting the coffee maker going. Afterwards she returns, offering out a hand. If he doesn't take it, she won't be offended.

"Come on," she urges. "I'll show you how to turn on the water and we'll make sure it's good and hot before you get in."

[make_it_hurt]

He hesitates, loathe to leave the sanctuary of his closet. But he stands anyways, lets her guide him by the hand into the bathroom.

He looks around, attention caught by the mirror. Swallowing hard, he looks away, not wanting to look at his own reflection more than he had to. He didn't want to see himself at all. Didn't want to have to accept what he saw was actually him.

[herbestdisguise]

She noticed and pulled him forward just a little, out of line iwth the mirror. Turning to the tub, she sat on the edge, pointing. "Hot," she said, gesturing to the left. "And cold." She gestures to the right. "I'm pretty sure you're not touching the cld but just in case."

She gets to her feet again, making a motion for him to sit on the toilet while she goes through her medicine cabinet. "I'll string together something to patch up the crack in your arm, just in case water decides to rise up and rebel against us."

[make_it_hurt]

He nods, turning the water on. He gets it hot as he could stand, then reaches down to plug the tub - it's not something he thinks about until after he does it. Then he seems to realize what he did and he looks up at Natasha. He sits obediently on the toilet, looking up at her trustingly. The door is closed, it's just her and him in this little bathroom. He offers up his left arm, holding it awkwardly up so she can work on the damaged section.

[herbestdisguise]

She takes a towel and wipes down the skin she'll be covering, cleaning it up a little before she takes some medical tape and a torn up plastic bag, sealing the damaged area. It's not amazing but it works for their purposes and she makes a note to see if she can get in touch with Tony or Bruce in the ext couple of days.

How that's going to go is....Interesting, but well, not really much of a choice when it comes to people she felt comfortable handing him over to.

"All right, are you good from here? Or do you want me to stay?" It's a casual question, like she does things like this all the time. Which is far from the truth but she doesn't want to make him feel odd if he does want her there. She doesn't mind it and she's happy to do so if he needs her to.

[make_it_hurt]

"Will you stay?" He doesn't want to be alone. The plunge into the river had almost taken his life. Trapped beneath a girder he'd had to free himself and almost drowned. He had freed himself and dragged Steve out of the water as well, but it had been close. He doesn't want to risk drowning again.

He stands and starts to strip out of the rest of his clothes. He doesn't realize just how torn-up he looks. In addition to just plain dirt, there are bruises and still-healing cuts all over his body. He looks like he's been in a fist fight with a mountain lion, he's so torn up.

He steps into the tub cautiously. The water's as hot as it'll go, steam rising up off the surface. He sighs in relief and sinks down, making sure to hang his left arm out over the edge of the tub so it wouldn't get wet.

[herbestdisguise]

She knew he was living rough and wans't surprised to see he'd taken a fair bit of damage. She frowns a little at the sight though and makes a note to try and get him to let her patch him up when he's dry.

Settling next to him, she dips a finger into the water, testing it and nodding. "Let me know when it starts to get cold and we'll get you out and warm."

She can't promise that she'll keep him warm but she can certainly try.

[make_it_hurt]

He nods and looks up at Natasha. He's flushed from the heat of the water, but he looks more relaxed than he has all day. He dips his right hand into the water, rubbing his thumb over his own thigh. He seems oblivious to his own nudity. All the shame had been burned out of him so long ago. "Okay." He straightens up, toes curling against the bottom of the tub. Now that he's in the water, he's not sure what to do. With the cold showers, somebody had scrubbed him down. His only task had been to stand still and allow it. The soap they used had always been rough - there was no care for any scratches or still-healing lacerations, or any of his bruises. It had just been getting him clean, then dry, then into the cryo tube.