Closed RP with [herbestdisguise]

[make_it_hurt]

From here.

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[make_it_hurt]

"I can't. I can't. I don't want you to see me like this." Now he is truly in tears. He's smushed up against the door, face pressed into the wood.

[herbestdisguise]

He sighs, running hands through his hair and honestly unsure of what to do. He wants to fix this but fuck if he has any idea of what he's doing.

He looks to Natasha, hoping she might have an idea of what the hell to do.

She shrugs at him, leaning against a wall and watching the door. She seems much less stressed out about the whole thing than he does but inwardly she's tense, nervous that he might bolt when all this is said and done.

Then she looks down to the drink in her hand and she thinks of something.

"Move," she moths to Steve, then makes a shooing gesture so she can get close to the door.

"Hey," she says, her voice gentle. "Steve's still here but can I maybe come in for a minute? You can leave the lights off, so I don't have to see you, okay?"

[make_it_hurt]

He hesitates, but then moves away from the door, cramming himself back into the corner, not even peeking out from behind the clothes. "O-Okay. You can come in." His breathing is light and fast, tears still rolling down his cheeks.

[herbestdisguise]

Steve takes another step back as Natasha opens the door just a little and slips inside. She sits on the ground, puling the door closed behindher.

"Hey," she says, her voice taking on that gentle tone again. "You're okay here. We don't have to keep doing this today. He can come back later, or tomorrow. We can take this slow."

[make_it_hurt]

"I want to try. I have to. If I don't, it'll just suck me in again and I'll never get out." His head lolls back. "I don't want to be trapped. I don't want them to take me back. Please, you can't let it happen." He's terrified and devolving, simple tears starting to turn into full-on sobs. "Please, Natasha."

[herbestdisguise]

"It's not going to happen," she says, her voice calm and clear compared to his. "Not now. You're here now and I'm not going to let them take you without a damn good fight."

She moves a little closer, reaching out to him. "I'm gonna touch you, okay? You can tell me to stop at any time."

[make_it_hurt]

He shakes his head minutely, but leans towards her hand. "Okay," he says shakily, unable to keep the fine tremble out of his limbs.

[herbestdisguise]

She doesn't see the gesture in the dark of the closet so her hand moves to rest against his arm. "You're okay," she says gently. "I know you think it all has to be done today but I promise the world won't end if we have to drag it out a little. "

"Besides," she adds with a sad little smile. "We can get him to bring us coffee."

[make_it_hurt]

He blinks at that. "Coffee? He liked coffee. It stirred up memories, but nothing bad. Then he looks around. "We're in a closet, though." He says it like it was a perfectly acceptable reason for not having coffee brought to them.

[herbestdisguise]

"Yeah, yeah we are. That doesn't mean we don't get coffee." She still had the cold coffee Steve brought her and puts it against his hand. "I was allowed to bring mine in here. So, I think we can get him to get us more."

[make_it_hurt]

He flinches away from the cold, but nods. "Okay. Hot. And sweet." He had enough cold and bitter things in his memory already without adding more. He leans towards her, reaching out to grab the fabric of some part of her clothing. "Will you stay? I don't want to be alone."

[herbestdisguise]

She withdraws the cup as soon as she feels him flinch, setting it on her other side, away from him.

She moves in a bit closer, not entirely encroaching on his personal space but also finding it hard to not be in it a little when she's not pressed right up against the door. "I'm not going anywhere," she assures. "Don't worry about that."

She offers him a light smile. "So hot and sweet, huh? Wanna try it with whipped cream?"

[make_it_hurt]

He doesn't know what that is, but he nods anyways. "Yes," he whispers and moves closer to her in return. He's a jumble of sticking-out bones and ragged layers of clothing and heavy boots, but he would strip himself bare in an instant if she wanted him to. If that was what it took for her to let him stay close, that was what he would do.

[herbestdisguise]

She moves, putting an arm around him, slow in her motions so he can back away easily, until hes being pulled against her. She's not done anything like this in a long time and certainly not for anyone like him, but she's willing to do it because she sees that he seems to want th contact.

"Are you still at the door," she's talking to Steve now, and she's well aware tht he's pressed up agains the wall next to the door listening in. She didn't mind, it wasn't meant to be a private conversation, just a closed off one.

"Coffee," he says and she makes a noise of affirmation.

"Same thing for you?"

"Something with caramel in it this time. Surprise me."

There's silence for a few minutes after that, then she hears Steve get to his feet and start walking out the apartment door.

"He's going to be right back," she says, almost automatically. "There's a coffee shop right down the street from here. He'll be in and out, assuming there's not much of a rush."

[make_it_hurt]

He nods and turns, chucking up against her, resting his head on her chest. He doesn't speak but instead chooses to lay there, still. By the time his eyes drift shut, he can hear Steve returning. He jerks away from Natasha self-consciously, putting him back into his corner in case Steve opens the door suddenly.

[herbestdisguise]

Her grip was loose enough that he easily broke away from her and she watched in them dimness as he scuttled into his corner. She didn't mind. She thinks it might even hae been progress to get him to curl up on her like that.

She reaches out to him, touching him gently on the knee before Steve knocks on the door.

"Hey, can I uh...How do you wanna do this?" He seems uncertain, like he might fuck up something and she feels a little bad for him. All of this had to be hard for him too.

She looks to Bucky, her hand still resting on his knee. "Do you mind if he opens the door?"

[make_it_hurt]

He jerks at the question and buries his face in more clothes before he mumbles, "Do it." He's hidden from sight and unable to see, his entire upper half obscured by clothing. He wants to see Steve more than anything, but he doesn't want Steve to see him.

[herbestdisguise]

She moves a little, shifting so that she's in front of Bucky but not entirely obscuring either of them from each other's sights, as much as Steve can see anyway.

"Go for it," she says after a moment and Steve opens the door,looking inside like a child peeking into a parents bedroom.

He has a coffee in his hand, and after opening the door a bit more, he holds it out to Natasha. "This is...Not yours." He stated, unsure of how to even refer to Bucky at this point.

[make_it_hurt]

He pulls his legs ever tighter to his chest at the sound of Steve's voice so close. He bites down on his knuckles to try to silence himself, squeezing his eyes shut at the same time.

Then he thrusst his hand out suddenly. He bumps his fingertips against Steve's arm before grabbing on. Steve's warm and solid to the touch. And utterly real.

He pulls away just as quickly as he reached out, fingers cutting into a fist.

[herbestdisguise]

Steve sucked in a breath, watching Bucky move and freezing at the touch. he waits for something else, for Bucky to remember, or for him to at least come from the closet, but all he gets is the man withdrawing back into himself.

He closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath and leaves the coffee on the ground near the two of them.

He doesn't retreat though, not all the way. Instead he takes a seat at the mouth of the closet,, watching them carefully, looking for a clue towards what to do next.

[make_it_hurt]

He slowly starts to uncurl. There's light in the closet now, but the door is still amost all the way closed. Without speaking, he looks down at the cup. It's foam, with a plastic lid. He picks it up and lifts it to his mouth, carefully taking a sip. It's hot, and sweet, and he can taste the whipped cream- cool, but creamy. He doesn't realize it, but he's smiling. "It's good," he says quietly, relaxing a little.

[herbestdisguise]

Steve relaxes a little at the sight of him, a small smile pulling at his own lips. he's so stupidly grateful to see Bucky smile, to see him relax even if it's just a little.

Natasha watches, slightly amused. "Yeah, coffee is in fact, the gift of some great deity that smiled down upon us."

[make_it_hurt]

He glances over to the right. He knows Steve's out there, but he can't see and though he's panicking a little inside he can at least focus on his coffee to the exception of all else

[herbestdisguise]

Steve settles into his spot, watching carefully and hoping things are going well. he's not sure what to do from here and that's more than obvious. He wants to say something, to have Bucky come home with him but he has the strong feeling that he'll be refused.

"So..." he says, his tone unsure. "Uhm...."

Natasha bites back a laugh. This was hilariously awkward and while she felt as if she should do something, she wanted to let the other two lead the discussion more than her doing so

[make_it_hurt]

"Can I..." He hesitates, "Can I be alone?" He looks at Natasha, keeping his cup close to his chest. "I want to close the door." He was feeling overstimulated again, wanting to curl up in the dark again.