Bucky sagged against Steve, not able to tell Steve to squeeze him tightly, hold him so close it hurt. He yanked on the back of Steve's shirt, continuing to sob and panic. He needed to comfort Penny and hold onto Steve and he was reliving it again and he couldn't shake himself out of his memories.
Finally, his body wouldn't let him continue punishing it and he finally fell into breathless gasps, tears still soaking into Steve's shirt. He rocked against Steve, body trembling all over. He turned a little, curling in the circle of Steve's arm. He stared blankly. His hand moved from Steve's back to the inside of his thigh shoving the hem of his boxers up, his sweatpants still abandoned. He palmed bare skin, the tick marks on his thighs both a relief and an unbearable memory. He shuddered and said, "I can't do this, Steve. I can't live like this. I don't want to." He dug his nails into his own thigh, determined to make his own mark on his body. "I want to hurt myself. I want to take what they did to me and.... make it mine."
He wanted to scratch out all the scars, dig them out by their roots, replace with something solely his. Even if it meant bleeding out, dying, he wasn't going to let them do this to him anymore. He could feel pain in his thigh, blood being drawn from the cuts he was making in his own skin.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-06-30 06:26 am (UTC)Finally, his body wouldn't let him continue punishing it and he finally fell into breathless gasps, tears still soaking into Steve's shirt. He rocked against Steve, body trembling all over. He turned a little, curling in the circle of Steve's arm. He stared blankly. His hand moved from Steve's back to the inside of his thigh shoving the hem of his boxers up, his sweatpants still abandoned. He palmed bare skin, the tick marks on his thighs both a relief and an unbearable memory. He shuddered and said, "I can't do this, Steve. I can't live like this. I don't want to." He dug his nails into his own thigh, determined to make his own mark on his body. "I want to hurt myself. I want to take what they did to me and.... make it mine."
He wanted to scratch out all the scars, dig them out by their roots, replace with something solely his. Even if it meant bleeding out, dying, he wasn't going to let them do this to him anymore. He could feel pain in his thigh, blood being drawn from the cuts he was making in his own skin.