Bucky tensed a little as Steve moved in closer, shrugging his left shoulder up slightly. But he kept his eyes on what he was doing, carefully freeing each of Penny's toys from the packaging or taking off the tags. He didn't speak for a long time, going through two more bags before he said, holding Penny's new harness in his hand, "It sure feels like it sometimes."
He did know that he couldn't shut himself away, that he had to go out and do things, but Bucky couldn't imagine doing that for a long time to come. Could he even go back to school in the fall? Could he do it? And what about college? He knew he had acceptance letters. He could go anywhere he wanted, study anything he wanted. But if just seeing a stranger was enough to set off a panic attack, how was he going to live his life?
Penny would help, but she couldn't keep him from being kidnapped. Could Steve, for that matter?
Bucky sighed, shoulders slumping, and pressed the back of his hand to the bridge of his nose. "I'm afraid of going outside. I'm afraid of people, sounds... I probably should be in therapy but I don't want to talk about what happened to me. I want to put it all behind me, but... I can't forget." He looked up at Steve, tears in his eyes. "I can't forget my arm, or when they shattered my ankle with a sledehammer, or almost cut through my achilles tendon... I can't forget the cuts and the burns and I'll never be able to."
He tipped sideways towards Steve, resting his head on the man's chest. Penny, who had watched with solemn brown eyes, finally moved in with a whine, shoving her nose under his hand. He started to pet her obediently, dropping the harness into his lap.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-06-25 03:28 pm (UTC)He did know that he couldn't shut himself away, that he had to go out and do things, but Bucky couldn't imagine doing that for a long time to come. Could he even go back to school in the fall? Could he do it? And what about college? He knew he had acceptance letters. He could go anywhere he wanted, study anything he wanted. But if just seeing a stranger was enough to set off a panic attack, how was he going to live his life?
Penny would help, but she couldn't keep him from being kidnapped. Could Steve, for that matter?
Bucky sighed, shoulders slumping, and pressed the back of his hand to the bridge of his nose. "I'm afraid of going outside. I'm afraid of people, sounds... I probably should be in therapy but I don't want to talk about what happened to me. I want to put it all behind me, but... I can't forget." He looked up at Steve, tears in his eyes. "I can't forget my arm, or when they shattered my ankle with a sledehammer, or almost cut through my achilles tendon... I can't forget the cuts and the burns and I'll never be able to."
He tipped sideways towards Steve, resting his head on the man's chest. Penny, who had watched with solemn brown eyes, finally moved in with a whine, shoving her nose under his hand. He started to pet her obediently, dropping the harness into his lap.